Monday, October 13, 2014

10 Tips for Dancing In Spanx

Do you wear Spanx???

We just returned from a beautiful wedding on Cape Cod and since I had to get into this knit dress...

I decided to expand (poor choice of words?) my selection of body armor undergarments by purchasing some Spanx for the occasion . Two pieces of Spanx actually . . . a top to "smooth out" my  tummy and waist . . .

And a "bottom" to contain . . . well, my bottom.

After I squeezed into those two pieces, I realized that you could see through the knit dress so I added a half-slip.

Once all of these layers, were in place, I have to admit, the dress looked pretty good. So off to the wedding DH and I went. That was when I realized that there is more to successfully wearing Spanx than Oprah would have you believe.

The ceremony and dinner went fine; I was sitting still. The reception, however, was another story. Dancing required frequent trips to the ladies' room to fine tune the Spanx. With each of my ridiculous retro dance moves the top half of the Spanx went up while the bottom worked its way down. End result? Total exposure of tummy section I was trying to hide. And the half-slip? Forgetaboutit. It ended up in my purse!

photo courtesy of Vintage Style Files

Here's what I learned the hard way:

10 Tips for Dancing In Spanx

1. When the DJ yells, "Let's Get Down!", don't do it!

2. Don't even consider trying to "Move Like Jagger".

3. During "Twist & Shout", don't try to see how low you can go. In fact, don't do the twist at all or your layers of Spanx will end up, well . . .  twisted.

4. When you are wearing multiple layers of Spanx and friends ask if you remember how to do the Swim, say "No"!

5. Don't try to keep up with the dance moves of  crazy BFF Karen while wearing Spanx.

6. When you're slow-dancing to a favorite oldie and start to feel all fluttery, it's probably just your Spanx coming loose.

7. When leaving the ladies' room, make sure all of your supporting layers are tucked  INSIDE your dress.

8. When you think your partner just said, "Thanx for the dance", consider that he may actually have just whispered, "Your Spanx are askance".

9. Stick to slow dances and your Spanx will thank you.

And finally . . .

10. When the band plays "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green, try not to take it personally.

Just for the fun of it, this post is linked to:
Show & Share at Coastal Charm
Nifty Thrifty Sunday at Nifty Thrifty Things
Show & Tell Friday at My Romantic Home


  1. Ha! I just spit my tea out on #1. Thank you for the giggle! I've just had babies (well, I say that to make myself feel's been 2 years) but yes indeed, I wear spanx. I prefer the briefs that come all the way to my chest. They tend to stay in place a bit better =) Awesome post! Again, found you on Coast Charm's link up =)

  2. This made me laugh out loud! I don't have Spanx but for my daughter's wedding I did get some special undergarments that I could not wait to get off at the end of the day and there was no dancing involved...not sure I would have survived that! Fun post!!

  3. Oh my goodness, this just made my day!!!! I LOVE your tips, I'm going to save it for future laughter. I also need body armor, the spanx do work but I can't wait to remove them when its all over (another bad choice of words)!

  4. I bought spanx for a dress my daughter insisted I buy for a wedding. My spanx were a one piece and my only issue was going to the bathroom. I took so long in the bathroom and I felt guilty with the long line of women.

  5. I hate wearing Spanx! I can't breathe and I feel like a sausage. Your post cracked me up! Your tips are clearly from experience. LOL

  6. I just fell on the floor.
    Have never committed to the SPANX "movement"... but have wondered if the maintenance would be worth the effort. Guess I'll stick to special occasion Muumuus.
    ~from my friend, Anita

  7. Hahaha. That's so funny! Oh my. I bought a top piece a while back and wore it once. I felt like my insides were all squished together and I couldn't breathe. I haven't had it on since. I remember wearing panty girdles back in high school and was so glad they went out of style, not that I even needed one back then, but it held up our nylons!! Remember those days?? LOL I enjoyed reading your tips!

  8. First of all, I LOVE the dress!! You are a hoot, Cheryl! I wore Spanx one time and that was enough for me. But the piece I bought was a bottom that went almost down to the knees and and just under my bra, so I didn't have any of the issues you had. I do remember what a relief it was to get that thing off! I think it cut off the blood supply to my brain.

    Great post, Cheryl!


  9. Thanks for making me smile this morning!!! I hope you had as much fun writing this post as I did reading it! Great post!!!

  10. What a great sense of humor you have! I have never tried Spanx - though if I ever have to wear a form-fitting dress for a special occasion, I'll probably be trying it!

  11. Thank you for this hilarious post!
    That Sara Blakely has certainly become a very wealthy person from her Spanx endeavor! (What a wise lady.)


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