Monday, October 13, 2014

10 Tips for Dancing In Spanx

Do you wear Spanx???

We just returned from a beautiful wedding on Cape Cod and since I had to get into this knit dress...

I decided to expand (poor choice of words?) my selection of body armor undergarments by purchasing some Spanx for the occasion . Two pieces of Spanx actually . . . a top to "smooth out" my  tummy and waist . . .

And a "bottom" to contain . . . well, my bottom.

After I squeezed into those two pieces, I realized that you could see through the knit dress so I added a half-slip.

Once all of these layers, were in place, I have to admit, the dress looked pretty good. So off to the wedding DH and I went. That was when I realized that there is more to successfully wearing Spanx than Oprah would have you believe.

The ceremony and dinner went fine; I was sitting still. The reception, however, was another story. Dancing required frequent trips to the ladies' room to fine tune the Spanx. With each of my ridiculous retro dance moves the top half of the Spanx went up while the bottom worked its way down. End result? Total exposure of tummy section I was trying to hide. And the half-slip? Forgetaboutit. It ended up in my purse!

photo courtesy of Vintage Style Files

Here's what I learned the hard way:

10 Tips for Dancing In Spanx

1. When the DJ yells, "Let's Get Down!", don't do it!

2. Don't even consider trying to "Move Like Jagger".

3. During "Twist & Shout", don't try to see how low you can go. In fact, don't do the twist at all or your layers of Spanx will end up, well . . .  twisted.

4. When you are wearing multiple layers of Spanx and friends ask if you remember how to do the Swim, say "No"!

5. Don't try to keep up with the dance moves of  crazy BFF Karen while wearing Spanx.

6. When you're slow-dancing to a favorite oldie and start to feel all fluttery, it's probably just your Spanx coming loose.

7. When leaving the ladies' room, make sure all of your supporting layers are tucked  INSIDE your dress.

8. When you think your partner just said, "Thanx for the dance", consider that he may actually have just whispered, "Your Spanx are askance".

9. Stick to slow dances and your Spanx will thank you.

And finally . . .

10. When the band plays "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green, try not to take it personally.

Just for the fun of it, this post is linked to:
Show & Share at Coastal Charm
Nifty Thrifty Sunday at Nifty Thrifty Things
Show & Tell Friday at My Romantic Home
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