I Can't Stop Laughing!

Having recently been required to "dress up" (here in Maine that means you have to leave your LL Bean boots at home) for an evening dinner party, I succumbed to vanity and purchased yet another Spanx. Before doing so, I decided to reread a post I wrote back in 2014 about my very first "Spanx" experience and why it didn't seem to work out. Aha!!! Back then I had purchased a two-piece Spanx ensemble that kept coming apart in all the wrong places. This time, I decided, I'll be smart and purchase a little (literally!) one-piece number.

Here it is!

Before I tell you how Spanx worked out for me this time, take a minute to read about my 2014 experience so you'll understand where I'm coming from . . .

October 13, 2014

     10 Tips for Dancing In Spanx

Do you wear Spanx???

We just returned from a beautiful wedding on Cape Cod and since I had to get into this knit dress...

I decided to expand (poor choice of words?) my selection of body armor undergarments by purchasing some Spanx for the occasion . Two pieces of Spanx actually . . . a top to "smooth out" my  tummy and waist . . .

And a "bottom" to contain . . . well, my bottom.

After I squeezed into those two pieces, I realized that you could see through the knit dress so I added a half-slip.

Once all of these layers, were in place, I have to admit, the dress looked pretty good. So off to the wedding DH and I went. That was when I realized that there is more to successfully wearing Spanx than Oprah would have you believe.

The ceremony and dinner went fine; I was sitting still. The reception, however, was another story. Dancing required frequent trips to the ladies' room to fine tune the Spanx. With each of my ridiculous retro dance moves the top half of the Spanx went up while the bottom worked its way down. End result? Total exposure of tummy section I was trying to hide. And the half-slip? Forgetaboutit. It ended up in my purse!

photo courtesy of Vintage Style Files

Here's what I learned the hard way:

10 Tips for Dancing In Spanx

1. When the DJ yells, "Let's Get Down!", don't do it!

2. Don't even consider trying to "Move Like Jagger".

3. During "Twist & Shout", don't try to see how low you can go. In fact, don't do the twist at all or your layers of Spanx will end up, well . . .  twisted.

4. When you are wearing multiple layers of Spanx and friends ask if you remember how to do the Swim, say "No"!

5. Don't try to keep up with the dance moves of  crazy BFF Karen while wearing Spanx.

6. When you're slow-dancing to a favorite oldie and start to feel all fluttery, it's probably just your Spanx coming loose.

7. When leaving the ladies' room, make sure all of your supporting layers are tucked  INSIDE your dress.

8. When you think your partner just said, "Thanx for the dance", consider that he may actually have just whispered, "Your Spanx are askance".

9. Stick to slow dances and your Spanx will thank you.

And finally . . .

10. When the band plays "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green, try not to take it personally.

While I was rereading that old post, I got laughing so hard I almost spit out my diet Coke!

Seems I'll never learn.

Anyway, on the evening of this cocktail party, I thought I was well-prepared. I had the Spanx. I had the shoes. I had the dress. But . . . it was the hottest evening we've had here in Maine so far this summer - 93 degrees and muggy. As I struggled into my tiny new one-piece Spanx, the sweat was pouring off my brow. By the time I did my make-up and reached for the dress, I was damp all over. So . . .

I gave up.

I ripped off the Spanx, threw it on the bed, and wore this dress instead. (I think the reason they call this a "swing dress" is because you can actually move in it without Spanx!).  Note: I hardly had to hold in my stomach at all in this little number.

DH and I had a great time at the party and I've think I've finally learned my lesson:  No more Spanx! From now on, I'm just going to accept my bulges and dress with the inner layer "au natural"!

If you've figured out a way to survive an evening in Spanx, I'd love to hear about it!  Meantime . . .

It's all good,

This post is linked to:

Inspire Me Tuesday #432 at A Stroll Through Life

Amaze Me Monday at Dwellings

Feathered Nest Friday at French Country Cottage

Sundays at Home at Little Farmstead